Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Let’s chat over tea about…not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy enough.  My sister confronted me last Thursday  that she is worried about me because I have been self-destructive in my childhood and even not so long ago as a few months ago.  I looked inside myself and came to the conclusion that I never felt good enough for people in my life; my dad, for the guys I dated, for my husband, even for God.  That opened my eyes to this breakthrough that I needed to face…that I am good enough, I am worth it and that God loves me.  He loves me enough that He sent His son to free me from the guilt and shame that I have been carrying.  So, I am going to rediscover the Bible and read a book that I already have – “Believing God” by Beth Moore – and a book that I need to buy and trust that I will find the answers that I need.

The other breakthrough that I need to face is that I have been severely overweight since I had got pregnant with my son, after I had my daughter I had lost about thirty pounds but then I put it right back on again and a little bit more, and I just couldn’t find the gumption to lose it.  I lost my gumption when my mom left…I am afraid of who I will be when I lose all this excess weight, what will I look like? How will I feel about myself?  How will others feel about me?  I realized that I will still be me, just a healthier, stronger me and that I don’t have to face who I will be when I’ve reached my healthy weight…I will only have to face who I am with every weigh-in that I face, every inch that see falling off of my body as my clothes get looser.

I have to keep reminding myself that who I will be at the end of the road that I am stepping on, is who God’s wants me to be and that He will protect me every step of the way.

Good night and join me as we chat over tea again about…High Tea.

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