I’m Not Good Enough

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The Life of a Ginger is about my life and what is happening and right now I am battling a demon…I’m not good enough. I haven’t written anything, I haven’t recorded a YouTube video, I haven’t been going to the gym, I haven’t put on makeup or done my hair and why is that? Because I have been believing a lie, the lie that I’m not good enough and I don’t deserve to be happy and healthy and whole. Why bother writing? Nobody wants to hear what I have to say. Why bother going to the gym? It’s a new gym, I don’t know the equipment, I will do it wrong and I won’t have the same results. If I get fit and healthy, I will need to buy new clothes and we don’t have the money for that. Why record YouTube videos? Nobody wants to see me, nobody wants to listen to me and I don’t do tutorials so why bother? 

I was going to write a book about my struggle to become fit and healthy but I decided to revamp my blog and YouTube channel because I had more to share than just this. 2016 has been a year of revelation, restoration and healing as God has used circumstances and a couple of health scares to make me slow down and listen to Him. It is in our busyness that we miss that still, small voice trying to guide and lead us. God wants to reveal Himself to us, He wants to be real in our lives and He wants to know us. He brought me to my knees in order to make a way for me to hear Him. I am still working on being quiet and shutting out the noise but I really KNOW that I matter, that God loves me, that I am worthy of His love, that I deserve to be healthy and whole and why do you ask…because I am the daughter of the King and He says so. He says that I deserve the best, that I am unique, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made…Psalm 139:14. Song of Songs 1:15 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. Song of Songs 1:1 “I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys”…I Peter 3:4 “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight”. I am of great worth, I am a princess and one day I will stand before His throne and He will say to me, “well done my daughter, well done.” 

When fear and doubt creep in and those words that were spoken over me when I was a child and a teenager, I remember now God’s Word and He says: Psalm 27:10 – “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me”; Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Earlier this year, I was facing what I thought were anxiety attacks, I wasn’t sleeping, I kept thinking I was having a heart attack, I had a few health scares and so I posted on Facebook what was happening and asked people to pray for me. I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support but the biggest was from my Mum who has battled depression and anxiety my whole life and she sent me this passage of scripture, but I’m only going to share this verse because I pray it every night: Psalm 91:2 “I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”

I shared this from a group/app; Woman of God…I Cover You and as I was scrolling through my feed from earlier this year, looking for another post I found this and everything that is in this blessing came to fruition…God so GOOD: “Today I declare a blessing of peace, hope and restoration over you. I declare that hearts are being mended, relationships restored and families reunited. I declare that every stronghold and bondage is broken off of you and your family in Jesus’ name! Well almost everything, I’m still trusting Him to break bondage off of my family but I know, because He promised, that He will do it.

So on that note thank you for reading and till we meet again…

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